Target Practice: Trax and Maris

[Trax]

He doesn't hear anything, but something make Trax turn around.

He sees Maris, squatting on a larger crate in the corner.

He face looks troubled. Her eyes are looking away, as if she were interested in something across the cargo bay.

"You need to understand something..."

She turns to look at Trax, meeting his eyes. She can only hold it for a moment, and lowers her eyes to the floor between the two of you.

"I wasn't trying to help anyone but myself. You and your people were a ticket off that station. I was acting out of fear and self-preservation. Helping you people was incidental."

She looks disgusted, but it is turned inward.

It's not what I... Trax looked at Maris for a few seconds.  He was quiet until he was close to the jedi.

"And looking back at your decision, your actions, and the reasons you did what you did, you're not happy with yourself now?"

[GM Craig]

As you approach, you can feel her tension increase. She looks away before she answers you.

"The result doesn't excuse the motivation. It turned out well, but that's not why I helped."

She looks at Trax. "What a Jedi is feeling and thinking while they do something is at least as important than what they are doing."

[Trax]

"Jedi aren't allowed to act out of fear or self preservation?"

[GM Craig]

She looks away again, picking at the crate she squats on.

"We are supposed to be better; aspire to something greater. A Jedi should live a life of selfless service. There is no death, so death is nothing to be feared. Emotions should never drive our actions."

She looks back at you a moment, but she can't hold it and quickly looks away. "The old Jedi - he knew. He gave his life so you could get clear. Me? I was terrified of going back on that table, and I would have done anything to get away."

She glances at you, but looks away a moment later, as if she can't look you in the eye.

"I'm supposed to be better."

She shakes her head then. "I don't know why I'm telling you this - you of all people."

[Trax]

Trax gave a slight shrug and small smile.

"Must be my sparkling personality."

The man paused long enough to see what, if any reaction he got from Maris before continuing.

"That all sounds a little counter intuitive to me, fear in general hones your senses when you need them extra sharp.  And the fear of death keeps you from doing something really stupid.  A little hard to live a life of selfless service if your dead." Trax paused again.

"Maris, I know it won't be easy, but at some point you need to stop beating yourself up about everything you have done wrong or you think you've done wrong.  No amount of punishment, be that physical, mental, or emotional, from yourself or anyone else is going to change the past.  We all make bad choices from time to time.  All one can really do is accept responsibility, and move on, try to do better if you're so inclined.  Maybe even try to make up for some of those choices when the opportunity presents itself.

Or just find the nearest asshat and break his nose.  Seemed to make Nim pretty happy."

[GM Craig]

She does react well to the small joke - you see anger flash in her face.

Her eyes focus on you then, and stay there as they narrow. "It's that simple, is it? Just forget about the past? Is that what you've done - forget about all the people you've killed? Forget that they were mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters? Forget that they had hopes and dreams? Forget about families destroyed? Nothing personal, kid. This is just business..."

Those last words obviously hold special meaning for her.

[Trax]

So this was how it was then.

Any hint of humor left Trax's body.

"Yes, and no.  I've buried some things, forgotten others, hard to tell which at times.

Some of them were probably decent people, but others were thieves, killers and the like.  Even a cold blooded killer is someone's son or daughter, maybe even someone's mother or father.  Did I ever ask, no.  As a hunter you're always both the good and the bad.  When I off someone who's killed a member of one family, to that family I brought justice.  But to the friends and family on the other side I'm a killer.

But I remember each and every one, whether I brought them in alive, or looked them right in the eye and pulled the trigger.  Does it make me a monster that I'm not wracked with guilt, probably.  You want to hate me for what I am and what I've done, by all means do so, I've earned it.  But I'm not the hunter that said what you just said and tried to kill you.  And I'm not any of the hunters that came after.

If you want to look back and analyze each one over and over you can.  But you were a kid, a scared out of your mind kid, and did what you had to do to survive.  Maybe a jedi isn't supposed to act on their emotions, but you weren't a jedi then, you were a kid.  A kid who had to endure something no kid should ever have to."

[GM Craig]

"You might as well..." she almost spits the words at you, obviously angry.

She stops, abruptly. She extends her hands out and takes a deep breath, her eyes closed. When she opens them, she seems calmer, but only because she's keeping a tight grip on her self control.

"So you're a remorseless, merciless killer..." her voice catches for some reason, "... with a clear conscience who just provides a service to the galaxy, available to the highest bidder. Right or wrong doesn't enter into it. Don't hate the player, hate the game, right? Sure, you never killed a kid. Bonus points for having some scruples, I guess. But for all Nim and you say that you are a different kind of bounty hinter, from where I'm standing, you look much like the dozens of bounty hunters I've killed over the years. No surprise there.

"What I can't figure out is this: why are you fighting for the rebels? You took some serious risks, nearly got yourself killed, lost an arm, and still you're helping the rebels. You could retire as the owner of a planet if you simply passed the location of this ship to the Empire. After all, the lives of your targets are not important, right? Their causes, goals, hopes and dreams - they don't enter into it. It's just business. Well, where's the business here? What's your angle? Where's your profit? Are you playing some kind of long con, or going after a bigger target?"

[Trax]

Why would you and Nim be talking about me?

Trax looked at Maris with a look of question and confusion.

"When did I ever say I was a different kind of hunter?"

[GM Craig]

She shrugs, impatiently. "I guess you didn't. That was Nim. You just said you weren't the first one to come after me, and you weren't one of the ones who came after."

She pauses. "But that leave open the possibility that you might be one of the ones still to come..."

[Trax]

"Have I done some nasty things, yes.  Was I a monster, probably.  Am I still one, maybe."  Trax let out something close to a sigh.

"I don't know what to tell you Maris.  I don't think there's anything I could say that you'd believe unless it was some of the terrible things I've done.  You hate what I am, sounds like you've got good reason too.  I'm not going to defend the hunters that came after you, and I'm not going to defend my past.  It is what it is, the good, and the really bad.

But for what it's worth, I'm not playing any angles and I'll never be one of the ones to come.  You have my word on that."

Trax turned to leave, and even took a step towards the door when he stopped and turned back and looked at the girl for a few seconds.  When he spoke, his voice was uncharacteristically soft.

"My childhood wasn't exactly the stuff dreams are made of but I never had to stare down the barrel of a pistol when I was five.  I doubt it'll mean much to you, but I am sorry you had to go through what you did."

Trax lowered his head for a moment before turning to leave again.

[GM Craig]

Before you lower your head, you see a lot of emotions warring on Maris' face. Anger, sadness, confusion, other more complex ones. She says nothing as you leave.