Karvis
Player Journals => Keli's Scratchpad => Topic started by: GM Craig on May 03, 2016, 09:55:00 AM
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Keshani, in a bit of a state, leaves Trax and heads to the cruiser - Ch'lana's old ship. She heads into the workshop, but soon hears voices approaching. Needing some solitude, she slips out and finds her way to the forward cargo bay, and plunks down there in the shadows.
Several minutes later, the door to the cargo hold opens, and Keshani sees the horned head of the Zabrak, Maris Brood silhouetted in the doorway. She doesn't look at Keshani, or even appear to be looking for someone. She heads immediately towards a crate near the back of the cargo bat and pops it open. She then starts rummaging around in the crate, her back to Keshnai.
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She looked up at the invasion of sound but relaxed a little as she saw that it was Maris. The Zabrack didn't appear to know that she was there as she headed toward a crate and opened it, rummaging around inside, but Kesh had a feeling she knew anyway.
She watched her for a few minutes, sniffling a bit.
Finally she spoke. "Are you leaving now too?"
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In the intervening minutes, the Zabrak has assembled a few items out of various crates. When Keshani spoke, Maris turned.
"Hey. I haven't decided what I am doing yet, but I can't stay on Kashyyyk. I thought I'd get ready anyway."
She puts the items in a smaller crate, and lifts it to her hip. She then turns to Keshani.
"But that wasn't the question you really asked. The question you really asked was, 'Are you leaving me now too?'"
She sets the crate down on the deck, and sits on top of it, looking at Keshani. No pity, no scorn. Just observing.
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She opened her mouth to protest but then closed it again, folding her body up more tightly into a ball, hugging her knees to her chest.
"I guess it is." She said finally
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Maris shrugs, and slips off the crate to sit cross-legged on the deck.
"Kesh, I don't see anyone here abandoning anyone. I do see people parting ways, but that's because they are moving towards something, and their paths are just diverging for a time. Saying good-bye is not always about abandonment."
Her eyes search Keshani's. "Look, I don't know what's going on in your head - and I'm not going to wiggle my fingers and poke without an invitation - but I can guess. You tell me if I'm wrong."
She slips over to sit beside you, leaning back against the bulkhead. "For the first time in your life, you don't have to think about mere survival. You can think about what you want to do. In many ways, survival is easier. Living in the street, you find food, it goes in your mouth, no questions asked. This?" She holds up her hands, indicating the surroundings. "This is so much freedom it can be terrifying. You've never had to pick from a bunch of options before, and maybe you don't know how.
"There are several people out there right now who would be willing to take you in, look after you, give you a home, and a living. Any one of them would be pleased to do it - want to do it. But maybe, for some reason, you don't like the idea of soft warm beds, servants waiting on you, rich clothes and fine food. Then, you can take my offer and make a living on the skill of your own two hands, far away from the Empire, and keep your independence and self-reliance.
"But you are choosing to focus on the guy planning an overly elaborate suicide by waging a one-man-war against a gangster, his personal army, and a cadre of bounty hunters. But he cares enough about you that he doesn't want to put you in the middle of all that. he didn't say 'no,' Kesh. He said, 'Yes, but not where the blaster bolts start flying.' But you don't choose see the caring part. You paint it that he is abandoning you."
She shrugs. "I don't buy it. I don't think you're upset about Trax - not like you think you are. I think you're scared to make a choice, and your using Trax to hide that. Maybe even to hide it from yourself."
She sighs, and considers you a moment. "I am sorry if this upsets you. Maybe I'm totally wrong. Maybe I'm full of drek. But at the end of the day, Kesh, you need to see that, at the core, the choice boils down to this: Continue to be a victim, or embrace a better future. On your own. With one of the senators. With the rebellion. Hell, even with Trax. You can do whatever you want at this point, Kesh. You just gotta let yourself do it."
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Kesh sat back in the shadows as Maris spoke, hugging her knees to her chest and rocking slightly.
She was right, of course. She was terrified to make a choice of her own. She'd never really had a reason to make a real choice before. Not like this. The number of options available to her WERE seemingly endless and that idea was something to her that was, at the moment, unfathomable.
What if she chose wrong? What if she was still miserable no matter what choice she made? What if that was just who she was?
Because this was more than just choosing what she wanted to do. It was also choosing who she wanted to go with - who she wanted to trust. And who she might never see again...
'Saying goodbye is not always about abandonment...' It may not be, but saying goodbye usually seemed to be something that was final.
And she didn't want this to be the final goodbye to any of them....
"So how do I choose?" She finally asked softly. "And what if my choice is wrong?"
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Her mouth gives a quirky half-smile.
"That's the beauty of it, Kesh. You can keep making choices! The choice you make now does not come with chains; it's not carved in stone. If you don't like what you are doing, or who you are with, or where you are, you get to make a new choice later. And a new one. And a new one after that. For the rest of your life if you want. Try new things! See new places! Meet new people! Or stay in the same place, settle down. Join a circus, become a star pilot. Or a sabaac champion. Or a criminal mastermind. Open a home for orphaned children. Be an mother."
Her voice looses some of the enthusiasm, and she adds quietly, "You can do anything."
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She studied the Zabrack for a bit, wishing she were better at reading people. There seemed to be something there, but she wasn't sure what.
Finally she reached out to take her hand. "Will you show me?"
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She looks uncomfortable.
"Keshani, I'll help you get set up, if you want, like I said. But I need to be honest with you: I can't promise to stay with you for long. I have..." Her voice breaks, and her eyes suddenly brim with tears. It takes her a moment before she can go on, but her voice is thick with emotion. "I have my own demons to deal with, and things I need to do."
She scrubs angrily at her face for a moment, wiping her cheeks, and sniffles. Then she meets your eyes. "No matter what, I will be your friend, Kesh. Maybe our paths will be together for a while, maybe they will part. But if they part, I think we will see each other again. I hope we will."
She holds out her hands, offering them to you. You notice her fingers are trembling. She is biting her lower lip, and there is fear and nervousness in her eyes. She looks... vulnerable?
Keshani experiences a flash of.. insight? Intuition? Keshani has the sudden impression that this is an important moment, somehow. What happens next is significant, though you cannot say why or how.
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"What if...."
She was caught off guard by Maris's tears. It was so easy to portray her as the stable role model who had things together...
"Couldn't I help you?"
She took Maris's hands in hers and squeezed them, trying to stop the trembling.
"I think...." she stopped for a second,
"Having someone to watch out for you seems better, doesn't it? "
She stopped again, looking up into the Zabrack's tear stained face.
"I would like to have you as a friend", she said softly, barely a whisper.
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She looks down, relief flooding her face, and releases a single sob. When she looks up at you, tears are streaming down her face. She shakes her head.
"I can do friends, Kesh. But I can't do more than that. I... I nearly ..."
She shakes her head, as if shaking off a thought. "I'll help you get set up, if you want, Kesh. But I can't stick around in one place too long. Visit, maybe, yeah. Once I leave, it will not be forever."
She squeezes your hands. "I've had 2 teachers, and lots of pets, but never a friend. I'd like to be one; to have one. That I can do."
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"Why can't you stay?" She asked "or why can't I go with you?"
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"I'm not leaving right away, Kesh. I'll help you get set up, if you want me to. But there's things I need to do, that's all. Stuff I need to work out. It would be better if I wasn't around anyone. But I'll come back once I do what i need to do."
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She was still holding Maris's hands but she curled up a bit more, withdrawing into herself.
"I..want to be with you. And Trax. And the others, too. But Maris I don't know what to do. Noone wants me to be in danger. But I've been in danger in one form or another my whole life. And after what we just went through? A warm soft bed and a nice stable job? What if that stuff just ends up feeling dull and boring? "
She squeezed the Zabrack's hands, afraid she would offend her in some way - she didn't exactly have a lot of people skills...
"Would you be happy just doing the same thing every day wuthering the same people and never getting to do anything new? Being safe? "
She shrugged a bit, feeling very awkward and hoping that she wasn't saying anything to ruin the friendship that they had just started.
"What if that unpredictableness and that adrenaline rush are wear I need to BE happy?"
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She shrugs. "Then do that! You don't have to stay safe, Kesh. These people are going to want to protect you because they care, but you don't have to let them. You could even go with Trax if you want. He could hardly stop you. And that's the point now, Kesh - you can do whatever you want."
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"Not if people don't want me to."
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She lets go of your hands and gets to her feet. She starts pacing, mumbling to herself.
Then she turns to you, and holds out her hands, palms out. Her eyes are hard, like she is struggling with something. "Look, Kesh, I'm trying here. I really am. But you keep focusing on what other people, instead of what options are open to you. I can't stay with you. OK? Not for very long. But you have a galaxy of opportunity in front of you. You just have to take it."
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She sat for a minute, seemingly lost in thought. She had no idea how to decide what direction to go.
"Do you think I could like do all three things? Go stay someplace, help Trax when he needs it and help Collan and Niil and stuff like on an on-call basis?"
She chewed her lip a bit.
"The thing is...Collan kinda....scares....me a bit. That's not really the best word, though. Just...like...he thinks he knows what's best for me. But he doesn't even know me. He just knows what he THINKS I am based on what HE has been..." she shrugged, feeling awkward.
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That seems to bring her back, and she smirks at you. "Yeah, he's a bit of a shabuir. But he's trying to get better. You just need to tell him when he's crossed a personal boundary, and call him on his drek."
She sighs, but she's giving you a half smile when she does. "Yeah, you can do all those things, Keshani. This isn't a rocket tram you're choosing, where you can't change cars mid-trip. You can help Trax when he needs it, be there to help out Collan and Niil." She shrugs. "Seems to me the best way to do that is with the rebellion. Then they could send you where you needed, and where you wanted to go, you know? it sounds pretty loose and flexible, so I bet there'd be lots of opportunity to do your own thing too."
The smile grows. "And you'd still have a warm bed and servants and three meals a day at the Organa estate. Best of all worlds."
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"But then would I see you? "
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"You're gonna see me anyway. I can't stay with you for long, but that doesn't mean we won't see each other, okay?"
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She nodded. But instead of staying curled up on the floor she found herself reaching for Maris, wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug.
"Thanks" she said softly. She wanted to elaborate more, bUT she couldn't find the words. She hoped Maris would understand anyway.
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Maris looks uncomfortable, but after a couple of seconds, Keshani feels the zabrak's arms return the embrace. A moment later, she feels a soft pressure on the top of her head - a cheek? Or a kiss?
After a moment, Maris backs off.
"So, what's it going to be? It doesn't have to be the full decision right now, but the ships are leaving. Are you going to Alderaan, or off with the old guy?"
She pauses. "And do you want me to get you set up like I offered? Or you got something else in mind maybe?"
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"I think I'll head towards Alderaan for right now...I'd like to find someone who can teach me some more things about tech stuff, ya know? It was kind of.....fun...on the station rigging things to blow up and stuff, but I'm still a super amateur. I would like to find someone who can help me learn....
She frowned for a minute.
"I want to be able to pay my own way though. I don't want to be a burden on anyone and I don't want to be dead weight or whatever. So yeah, if you could help set me up with something that I can make some of my own credits doing...."
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She frowns. "I can't do that on Alderaan, but I'm sure the Senator can handle the arrangements there. And I'm sure if you told Organa you didn't want to be a burden, he'd tell you you could do nothing but eat air Cake for the rest of your life, and he'd still owe you two lifetimes worth of debt. He can hire techs, find you work, protect you from the Empire. He's got money. Like more wealth than you could even imagine, and that wealth buys power and safety."
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"But I don't WANT to live off someone else's money. No one owes me anything. I don't want to owe anyone else anything..."
This idea seemed really important to her for some reason. She did NOT want to have to depend on others....
She chewed her lip again, a sinking feeling in her stomach. "Maybe going to Alderaan isn't such a good idea after all."
Why was it so frelling hard to decide what she wanted to do?
She wished someone would just tell her what to do...
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Maris shrugs, and leans back against a crate. "Well, its a good place to start, no matter what. I guess I'mm come with you, at least until we get you started out on something. Just... uh..."
She hesitates.
"I know you like Trax and all, but I can't be around him. We do not get along. So when you're with him, I'll make myself scarce. Better for everyone. I'll be in my hole if you want to talk to me, but I won't be wandering the ship, ok?"
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She nodded, a bit of a sad look on her face. She hated to think of Maris confining herself to avoid Trax...
"Thank you Maris." She said again softly
"I need to check with one other person before we go....the former Imperial who saved me on the station....I...want to make sure Danny's ok too...."
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She nods. "I'll be around."
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[1 CP for RP, mostly for handling a dangerous story situation well.]