Karvis
Player Journals => Keli's Scratchpad => Topic started by: Keshani on June 30, 2016, 06:56:06 PM
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Keshani walked to the cargo bay a little hesitantly. She wanted to learn from Trax, but sometimes she wasn't a very good student. She was very aware of the fact that she could, at times, be very frustrating. She hoped that she would not be frustrating today.
She wore a blaster in a 4 o'clock position on her right hip as she walked into the hold. Her hair was tied back behind her head and she absently twisted a lock around her finger as she walked in, looking to see if Trax was there yet.
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Trax wasn't in the cargo bay, but it was obvious he'd spent some time there already. There were training dummies spread all throughout the bay, one was out in the open by the wall, a few feet away from it was another turned to the side. The rest were in various states of cover behind crates and other objects at various distances. A quick glance revealed one dummy with only it's upper torso exposed, two others with their entire left or right side exposed, off in the corner Kesh could see a shoulder and arm sticking out a few inches and then her gaze settled on the last one she could see, it was hanging by a chain from the ceiling.
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Instincts die hard, or so the saying went. As Kesh looked around the darkened cargo bay and saw the various figures her body automatically took up a fighting stance of sorts before she even realized what she had done. There had been way too many dark alleys in her life and that fight or flight response was definitely kicking in now, her heart beating a bit faster, her breath quickening, despite her conscious brain trying to remind her body that she was safe and that Trax would never do anything to hurt her.
When she finally looked up and saw the last training dummy hanging by a chain from the ceiling, the beginnings of a short scream escaped her lips before she could stop it and she stepped a few steps backwards before regaining control.
Forcing herself to take a deep breath she placed her hand uncertainly on her pistol, unsure as to what she was supposed to do from here
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Trax was walking down the hall when he spotted Keshani appear half way out the door with a hand on her pistol.
"Rule number one," he said as he closed.
"If your hand is on your weapon you've committed yourself to using it. Your target will not wait for you to draw first. If you're not prepared to pull the trigger, do not touch it."
[OOC: If/when Kesh turns to look, she'll see he's now armed. He's got a thigh holster on each leg and an imperial heavy blaster in each holster. Despite the extra weight his stride is still as smooth and even as if he wasn't armed. The man is obviously very, very accustomed to being armed.]
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She nodded. "I...wasn't sure...." she broke off. She wanted to say something like 'if it was real', but she realized how silly that sounded. 'If only you knew...', and found herself thinking again, but she forced herself to breathe again and take in the assortment of hardware that trax now carried.
Taking her hand off of her pistol but keeping it close and watched him as if to ask 'what do I do now? "
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"Then keeping your hand away from your weapon is the right thing to do." He replied to her broken words. Stopping beside her he reached past and through the doorway to hit the panel bringing up the lights in the cargo bay.
"Let's head in and meet our volunteers." he said obviously indicating the dummies.
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"Okay." She walked in following Trax, looking around the now lit up bay, being careful to keep her hand off her blaster but near enough that she could quickly unholster it if needed.
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"Volunteers one and two have offered to stand out in the open, number three..." Trax stopped talking when he turned and saw Keshani's hand at the ready near her holstered blaster.
"Expecting trouble?"
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"Uh yeah..you're here. ", she retorted almost as a reflex. "Uh. While we're on the topic....why is that one up there hanging himself? "
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Trax looked at Kesh with a 'did you really just say that look' for a few seconds before answering her question about the hanging volunteer.
"Hitting a stationary target is one thing, hitting one that's moving is something entirely different."
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Kesh inwardly winced. She hadn't meant to offend the man. She looked down at the floor for a minute. Why did it matter to her so much what Trax thought of her? She hated emotions....
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that," she said in an attempt at a feeble apology. "Just..." she broke off again and just shrugged, feeling frustrated again that her head was so messed up.
"Anyway...how do you want me to do this?"
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Trax studied the girl as he watched her reaction. There was something going on in that head of hers but he wasn't entirely sure what.
"First, you don't need to do any more apologizing. I don't offend easily and very rarely take anything personally. You feel the need or desire to take a verbal shot, take it. I don't want you to be who you think I want, or expect you to be, I want you to be you. Anything you've said or done that you think will make me ashamed or disappointed in you think again. I can guarantee you I've said and done much worse."
Trax moved on to the next topic as smoothly as flying through an asteroid field.
"Make sure your pistol is on stun. I doubt the volunteers would complain either way, but they belonged to someone who sacrificed himself for the rest of us and I won't see them damaged unnecessarily. I didn't much care for the old man, but I do respect him and that respect extends to his possessions.
When you're ready, we'll move up a bit to the open targets and I'll get you to fire off a few shots at the forward facing one."
[OOC: Starting a short range so Trax will move Kesh up to about 5M from the dummy.]
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...And the confused emotions started swirling even faster at Trax's words. Again, this allusion to acceptance...she didn't know what to do with it. She didn't know how to respond to it. It was so...different, and it would take some getting used to. But it also felt...good.
When he changed subjects back to the task at hand Kesh felt some relief and focused on his words.
(OOC: as smoothly as flying through an asteroid field..idk, Han flew through that asteroid field pretty smoothly, didn't he?)
She checked her pistol's setting, confirming that it was on stun, and nodded to Trax, moving up closer to the targets until he motioned to stop.
With a look of focus on her face, she took up a shooting stance, one foot in front of the other, and brought her pistol up, extending her arms out in front of her, gripping the pistol loosely with both hands and aligning the sights on the target, lining the more distant circle up with the front post to complete the "lollipop".
Aiming for "center mass" on the forward facing target, Kesh was about to fire when she froze for a second, her mind flashing back to the last time (and only time) she had shot an unmoving, unaware target. At that time she hadn't known that her blaster was inadvertently set to stun. She had fully intended to kill the man, but fortunately circumstances had other plans. She remembered the feeling inside of her stomach and heart as she thought she had killed the man as he had fallen to the ground. Her hands trembled for a few seconds before she could regain control and her stomach clenched up, threatening to make its displeasure visibly known. She never wanted to repeat that experience again. She wasn't a killer. At least not in cold blood. Defense and protection of others was another story....
She took a slow breath and forced her mind back to the present. This wasn't then. This target was not living. This was practice. She was safe here.
Re-aligning the sight posts she took a slow breath and squeezed the trigger, firing 6 pulses of energy into the target.
However, she squeezed the trigger down a bit too fast and as she did so the front sight post depressed down slightly, causing the shots to be a bit lower and farther to the right than she intended. Her grouping on the target was consistent - 4 out of the 6 shots were very close together, 1 of the outliers hitting the very edge of the target and the other hitting the target in the right shoulder. The 4 others all ended up in the lower abdomen on the target - not necessarily a "kill" shot, but one that would definitely cause the target pain if it had been real.
Finishing up the shots she re-holstered the pistol to make it "safe" and looked over to Trax, waiting to see what he would say.
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Trax took a few steps to the side and a step or two back so he could watch both Keshani and the target at the same time. When she holstered her weapon and looked at him he gave her a nod.
"Overall, pretty good, but as tight as that group of 4 is, it's obviously not where you were aiming.
Are you self taught?"
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"Yeah, " she answered, avoiding eye contact as she answered
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"Good, then I don't have to get you to unlearn anything.
Talk to a dozen experts and you'll get a dozen different techniques. One will tell you to square yourself to the target, the next to line up at a 90 to it and everything in between. Then you'll get the fire when you inhale or exhale or hold your breath and all that.
Sure those techniques will work for them, but that doesn't mean they'll work for you. I lean towards the idea of finding what works for you, which means what comes naturally for you. Because you're self taught, you've already started figuring out what's natural for you, hence, I don't have to get you to unlearn anything.
Let's start with your grip. What I want you to do is hold the pistol as if you were going to fire, no need to line up on anything in particular, then close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. As you breath, relax your hands, lift, stretch and wiggle your fingers one at at time off and on the grip over and over while you breath until it feels completely comfortable. What that will do is put the pistol into the most natural position for you to use.
Once you feel ready, line up and take two or three shots, then go through the exercise again, and take another few shots. Repeat the process until you're happy with how it feels. Don't concern yourself with accuracy, this will probably throw you off a bit, and it's only the first piece of the puzzle."
Trax gave the girl a nod to go ahead.
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Taking a slow breath in to try to convince her body to relax she listened to Trax's instructions and then did as he told her to.
She had learned early that the number one "safety" to preventing accidental misfires of a weapon was the trigger finger itself. Keep your trigger finger off of the trigger and the blaster wouldn't fire. It didn't matter how it was dropped or kicked or anything else - if there was no pressure on the firing stud it wouldn't fire.
So it was ingrained into her to point her trigger finger parallel with the muzzle, keeping it in line with the trigger but outside the trigger guard until she was actually ready to fire. That was firearms safety 101.
And as she drew her blaster again at Trax's instructions, she put action to subconscious thought and held the pistol in her right hand first, her pointer finger next to the trigger, her three other fingers wrapped around the grip of the weapon on one side, her thumb on the other, the space in between her thumb and pointer finger pressed up into the butt of the blaster, supporting its weight, the fingers of her left hand coming up to cradle those of her right from the opposite direction, the flesh of her hands behind her thumbs and her wrists coming up to meet together, firmly cradling the weapon between them.
Closing her eyes she took a few slow breaths, willing her hands to relax. Relaxing was always hard.
She took a few minutes to adjust her grip, tuning out everything around her and focusing on the weopon in her hands.
When she was ready she brought the pistol up and fired, aiming toward the center of the target if for no other reason than to avoid sending random ion energy in unwanted directions and then took her finger off of the firing stud again, focusing on relaxing her hands and finding a grip that felt comfortable. She realized she *was* shifting her grip a bit as she deliberately stretched and relaxed her fingers. It felt...different...at first, but once she got used to it felt like she had more control over the weapon than before.
She looked over at Trax to see what he wanted her to do next.
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Trax watched in silence as Keshani followed his instructions. In the end, her change in grip was very slight, but the change was there, and it was an important one. He studied how the blaster was now resting in her hands. For the next while, he'd have to pay very close attention to any changes.
"Now for the fun part. You're going to holster your weapon and do it again. Then, you'll do it all over and over again until that's the position the blaster is in as soon as you draw it. And here's why;
In a fire fight, the only thing you'll have any real control over is your grip. You'll be ducking, dodging, weaving, running and all manner of other activities so your breathing is going to be all over the place. In the heat of battle you're not going to get the opportunity to collect yourself and calm your breathing.
And you'll never know what your position will be, you could be running, crouching, firing from around a corner, lying prone on the ground, or crawling through duct work. Which means you'll rarely be able to take the stance that's most comfortable and advantageous for you to shoot accurately from.
No matter what position your firing from or how labored your breathing is, how you hold your weapon is under your control. You need to train the muscles in your hand to always hold it the same way. That's going to take a long time and a lot of practice, it's not something that after today you'll have down pat. But I'm hoping that after today you'll be able to recognize when you're not holding it the way you should be and adjust."
Between Trax's body language, or at least what little of that there was, and his tone, which was much more revealing, he was obviously taking this, and by extension, Keshani's safety and preparedness, very seriously.
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An immediate feeling of frustration washed over her as Trax told her to holster her blaster and draw it again. She wanted to shoot at stuff, not just learn how to hold something that she had been holding just fine before....
But she let out a soft breath - almost inaudible if you weren't paying close attention.
He was the expert here and she had asked for his help. So she would do things his way. Listening to his explanation and watching as he spoke, she could tell that he was very serious about teaching her to shoot better. That scared her just a little bit. She wasn't sure she WANTED to be in a situation where she had to do all the stuff he was talking about.
She thought back to the Station and how scared she had been. Her high pitched scream as explosions had rocked the halls filled her ears once again.
'But didn't you just argue a while ago that Trax not taking you with him meant he didn't care about you?', her subconscious mind spoke up.
'Shut up'. She replied
Trying to push those thoughts away she pulled her mind, with effort, back to the current task at hand and holstered her pistol, waiting a few seconds and drawing it again, paying attention to her grip and adjusting it until it was in the same place as before....
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Trax caught the soft exhale, Keshani was obviously not happy with him but that didn't matter. What mattered was that she did as he instructed so she would be better prepared.
Over the next almost half hour he pushed her to repeat the process over and over and over until as far as he could tell, even when her grip wasn't exact, it was close enough that he was confident that with continued practice on her own time it wouldn't take long for her natural grip hold to become more instinctive.
He knew he'd frustrated the girl, but it was necessary and he had no intentions of apologizing for it.
"Okay," he said when he finally stopped her.
"It'll still take time, and practice, but it looks like you've got the hold close enough on the last few draws that you'll recognize if it's wrong and be able to adjust easily enough."
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Her frustration with Trax as he had her again and again holster and draw her pistol was that of any teenager told to practice anything in their lives. Most teenagers couldn't comprehend the importance of seemingly minute and "trivial" things and didn't have enough experience to trust those who were more experienced when they made them do it.
When he finally stopped her, it was with a mixed feeling on Kesh's part.
Part of her was relieved. Hopefully they would go on to something more engaging now.
But part of her was disappointed, as well. He hadn't said "Good, you're doing a great job". He hadn't said "Okay, you've got it now" or anything like that. Instead - Okay, it'll still take time and practice but it's close enough for now, pretty much.
Again, this inexplicable desire, even maybe a need, to impress Trax.
She let out a soft breath again. Apparently today would not be the day to do that either...
"Okay," she responded, hesitantly, "What do you want me to do next?"
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"Now we're going to work on stance.
Just like with the grip, you'll start with how you've been positioning yourself and take a bead on the head of the dummy. Once you're lined up, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and try to relax your body. When you're feeling nice and relaxed, open your eyes and see if your pistol has moved. If it has, adjust your feet and turn your whole body to line up on the head again, but don't move your arms.
Once you've adjusted and lined up again, you'll close your eyes, relax, and then open them to see if you're still lined up. If you are, holster the pistol. If not, same as before, adjust your feet and turn your whole body to line yourself up again."
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"But you said that stance isn't something you can control in a firefight, " she replied before she could stop herself.
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"That's right," Trax began with a slight nod of agreement.
"But 'a', it's still important, 'b', we're not currently in firefight, and 'c', because you can never know what position you'll be in, we're going to go through this exercise while standing and crouching out in the open, with crouching we'll go through it as if you firing over top of some half height cover as well. After that we're going to through it standing and crouching while simulating firing from around a corner, both left and right. And once we've been through all of that, we'll do it while lying prone on the ground.
Just because you can't control something, doesn't mean you can't prepare for the possibility, or in this case, the eventuality."
Trax's look and tone was very easy to understand, it was clearly saying, do you want to question me on anything else?
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She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again, clearly rethinking whatever she had been about to say. But then, barely missing a beat she nodded. "Um. Ok. Sounds like you had better let Nim know you're gonna be busy for a while...you sure she won't get jealous?"
Her tone and expression were innocent enough, but there was a kinda....twinkle in her eyes...it wasnt quite clear whether she was serious or teasing....or maybe a bit of both.
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Trax moved right close to Keshani, standing less than a foot away from the girl and looked down at her.
"Does she have a reason to be jealous?"
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Kesh felt the urge to back away as Trax stepped close in, invading her personal space.
"Um. No.." she answered quickly. There was something...masked about her expression but again, it was difficult to tell what the girl was thinking.
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Trax took a step back.
"Then we better get started,"Trax smiled a small, crooked smile while his body relaxed and his tone lightened significantly.
"We're going to be busy for a while."
It was fairly obvious he'd just been messing with the girl.
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As she saw a small, albeit crooked, smile appear on Trax's face the girl couldn't help but smile a bit herself, a small smile tugging just at the corner of her lips - she was still in serious mode for the most part right now; she wanted to do this right.
But she had never seen the man smile before, and that fuzzish feeling in her gut came back a bit in realizing that he felt comfortable enough with her to tease her a bit.
She took on a mock pouty expression and crossed her arms for a second. "No fair." she said, tongue in cheekly (OOC: Yes, that is now a word).
Her expression turned serious again after that, but her body posture was more relaxed.
"With all this time with my eyes closed, do you promise no dummy is hidden anywhere that's gonna jump out and start firing at me or anything?"
Again, that twinkle in her eye, a SLIGHT hint or sarcasm in her tone. Just enough that she may have been totally joking, or there may be just a bit of seriousness in her question, as well
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"I swear no hidden dummy is going to jump out and start firing at you."
Trax replied, repeating almost exactly what Keshani had said.
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She eyed him for a second, noticing that he had repeated ALMOST exactly what she had asked but dropping the 'or anything' part, but then decided to drop it. That caused a kind of secondary pause within her as she realized for some reason she actually trusted Trax.
She couldn't remember the last time she had trusted ANYONE in her life. Really trusted. No matter what he had planned, barring pirates invading their ship while they were in this cargo hold, the ship blowing up, or some other kind of crazy thing, she would be safe. Trax would not do anything to, or let anyone, intentionally hurt her.. She felt okay with closing her eyes in a room filled with hidden spots and another Being with a (presumably) loaded weapon.
"Frell...", she muttered to herself, deep in thought for a minute. But the tone was not one of frustration, anger, or anything else that most of the time was used when a superlative was uttered. Instead it was more of realization and a bit of wonder - kinda like a "gee whiz" or something....
Then, realizing Trax was waiting for her, she shook her head to clear it and set to following the directions he had set out before.
She again assumed her previous stance, with her left foot in front, her dominant right leg behind, acting as a brace, foot slightly angled to the side, and drew her blaster, lining up on the head of the dummy and closed her eyes. It was harder to relax her body with her arms extending forward supporting the weight of the weapon, but she tried her best. Breathing in deeply she tried to imagine the oxygen and blood flowing through her body to every cell as it reached it, feeding the muscles and relaxing them as it went.
Once she felt at least mildly successful she opened her eyes and saw that the muzzle of her blaster was not pointing at the head of the dummy anymore, but slightly down at his neck instead.
Doing as he had instructed she moved her right foot back a bit more, widening her stance, and turned her body slightly to the center to realign her aim with the head of the target.
Once she was lined up she closed her eyes again. The hardest part was fighting the urge to look back at Trax before she did so. It was hard knowing someone was watching you but not knowing what he/she was doing, but she knew that by turning her head/body to look at him she would be messing up what he wanted her to do. Again. That trust thing.
Slowly breathing in a few times and working to relax her body she opened her eyes again. Her aim had still drifted a little bit, but not as much as last time, so she adjusted her stance a bit more, changing the balance she was putting on each leg, and tried again, this time when she opened her eyes her aim was still just where she had left it - homing in on the dummy's head.
Holstering her pistol she finally did, now, turn to look at that man that she assumed was still standing behind her....
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"Only very slight adjustments." Trax said with an approving nod.
"Now the fun, rinse and repeat. Try to remember that last position, take your bead on the target and go through it again.
Do four or five runs and then we'll move on to the next one." The man paused.
"I'm sure this isn't what you were expecting this morning. You probably figured we'd be through half a power pack right now. And we'll take a few shots later on. Thing is, on stun the lack of recoil isn't going to make for a real world test anyway. Unless you decide you'd prefer to keep your weapon on stun all the time. Which might actually be a pretty good idea."
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Again, a shadow appeared on her face. SOMETHING was...conflicted...inside of that head of hers.
She opened her mouth to speak -
I've never fired a pistol not on stun
I tried to kill a man one time
There's nothing wrong with stun
But she closed it again. The sounds and sights of the battle on the station came back to her, as did the stench of the dead bodies from down in the labor camp. The face of the man who had, what felt like so long ago but so recently at the same time, abused her and she had subsequently chosen to seek justice....
So many things, all of the sudden assaulted her senses all at the same time. She closed her eyes for a second, fighting against it all, struggling to maintain her composure. Her hands trembled for a few seconds until she could calm herself down again.
"Does it get easier?" she asked
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Trax crossed his arms and he stared at the girl. Her question was simple enough, but it was a question someone so young should never have to ask.
"Depends on what kind of person you are."
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"Does not wanting to kill someone mean that you're weak?"
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"Not at all. Some would say it takes a stronger person not to kill."
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"Even if it's by mistake?"
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Trax raised an eyebrow at that, to him at least, very odd question.
"You want to tell me what happened?"
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She chewed her lip for a minute but then, making sure her blaster was securely holstered she moved toward a pile of crates sitting in an abandoned corner of the hold and sat down, assuming Trax would follow.
She sat there, playing with some loose strand of material on the side of the crate for a few minutes longer before she finally spoke.
When she spoke her voice was soft, hesitant.
"I...decided I wanted justice for what....somebody.... did to me. So I tracked down where he lived and went there and waited for him to come home."
As she spoke her words became more rushed, less hesitant, as if this had been a weight she had been carrying for a very long time that she was now in a rush to release.
"I had planned to wait until he saw me and then shoot him. I wanted him to....suffer; to feel the fear and pain he had caused me."
There was a small, but noticeable tremor in her voice now as she went on. It was clear that this was still a rather...tender...emotional nerve..., one that perhaps had never properly healed.
"I shot him, watching the look of fear and surprise in his face and I totally thought he was dead."
She looked down at the floor then, feeling the sudden need to take a few slow breaths and to swallow back down the gorge that was trying to come up from her stomach.
After a few moments she looked up at Trax. Her expression was one of pleading, of pain, of....need.
"Trax, I watched his body fall to the ground and I thought I had killed him and I felt like I was going to throw up. It was like I was frozen and didn't know what to do. I just could stare at him and my body was shaking so bad..."
"But then he twitched a little bit and I realized that the blaster must have been set on stun instead of kill by accident."
"So the only reason he was alive was because of a mistake. What does that make me?"
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Trax moved and took a seat beside Keshani as she told her story.
The guilt she felt from her actions was immense, and it made him think about the first time he killed someone. Funny thing, or maybe sad thing, was he couldn't remember. It would have been so long ago and there had been so many since. There was only one that was burned into his memory so vividly he would never forget.
"A blaster doesn't switch to stun on its own, if you really wanted him dead that badly, you would have made sure it wasn't on stun. Maybe despite you wanting justice by that man's death so badly, deep down you knew you couldn't take his life. I don't think he's alive because of a mistake, he's alive because despite the anger and rage you felt, you knew killing him wouldn't give you the justice you needed.
So to answer your question, what does that make you...it makes you stronger than you give yourself credit for and a good person."
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She played with the corner of the crate again.
"It would have helped a lot of other people though." If he looked closely, he would see the girl's eyes were shining with the beginnings of tears she was fighting fiercely to make go away.
"Shouldn't it be okay to take a life if it means others will be safe?"
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Trax could see the girl's eyes were brimming with tears.
"I sure think so. But I'm also sure others would disagree.
Still, that doesn't mean you should be the one to take that life. That's why the galaxy has people like me. Not all hunters are total asshats, we're actually a pretty exclusive club. Got a secret handshake and everything." Trax quipped trying to cheer the girl up at least a little.
"Most hunters get into the work to help people. They go after and deal with those that do wrong but the law can't, or won't touch. Doing the dirty work so good people like you don't have to, a clean up the scum of the galaxy kind of thing. But most people think all hunters are just as bad as they go after. And that's because the asshat club tends to make the most noise. Guess we're a rowdier bunch or something."
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"And you group yourself in with the 'just as bad as they go after' group? " She asked
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"It'd be awfully hypocritical of me after some of the stuff I've done not to."
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She sniffed a bit. "Do I want to know? "
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"That's a question only you can answer." Trax began.
"But if almost killing one man is hard for you to deal with, then my answer would be no, you don't."
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She felt...reprimanded, of sorts, but Trax's answer, again this feeling that she was too soft, too much of a kid, to be associated with him.
It made her clam up again, feel like she shouldn't have told him what she did.
"Sorry...", she mumbled softly, moving to stand up.
"You still okay helping me for a bit?"
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"Sorry about what?"
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She had her back to Trax, as she had gotten up to walk back to the space near the target, but she stopped at his question.
"You said that not killing someone meant I was strong. But how can I be strong when I'm still too much of a kid to understand things that you've had to do?"
"I'm sorry for...." she shrugged again. "I don't know. Everything. "
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Trax stood up and walked around Kesh to face her.
"Being strong isn't about understanding why people do bad things, it's about making the right choice at the right time. That's what you did.
But you asked me for my opinion on whether or not you wanted to know stuff I've done, I answered you honestly. And in the spirit of that honesty, even if you wanted to know I wouldn't tell you. At least not yet anyway, and there's a lot I don't think I'll ever share with anyone. There are worse things one can do than shoot someone."
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She stood there and looked at him for a few seconds, studying his face, trying to decide what he was thinking.
"Do you enjoy killing?" She blurted out before she could stop herself
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Trax's expression remained neutral. Now that's quite a question, he thought. There was almost no delay in his answer however.
"Wouldn't say that, but it doesn't bother me."
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"Did it used to?"
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Trax gave a slight shrug.
"If it did I don't remember."
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She shifted her weight as she stood there.
'If I did I don't remember'...Don't remember? Or choose not to remember? She had a feeling something closer to the later was more true. But she let it drop. For now.
"Why did you become a bounty hunter?" She asked instead. This was a question totally out of curiosity. Any pretense of hautiness or being upset at Trax was now gone. It was clear that she was genuinely curious and wanted to understand more about the man...
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"Fell into it I guess, or maybe didn't care to bother looking for other options." Trax paused briefly before giving at least somewhat of an explanation.
"A hunter saved my life when I was a kid, and for whatever reason, took me with him when he left the planet. I ended up picking up the tricks of the trade from him."
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She watched him as he spoke, but then felt a rather uncharacteristic twinge of guilt. She had asked him to help her shoot better and here she was interrogating him...
"Do you, um, want me to stop?" She asked, not wanting to puse him so much he wouldn't want to help her with anything in the future...
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"Working on your skills will take a little longer but it doesn't make much difference to me. I'm here to help you with your blaster skills and I'm not leaving until you say your done or I'm happy with your progress.
However, it doesn't mean you'll get a an answer to every question you ask, or get all the details you necessarily want. You have the right to ask any question, and I have the right to refuse to answer or decide how detailed of an answer I'll give. Like I said earlier, I don't offend easily and I don't tend to take things personally so you don't have to worry if a question is to personal or anything like that. You can learn a lot about someone just from the questions they ask."
-
Again, this seemingly determined commitment to help her....
She walked back over to the target they had been working with but didn't move any further toward repeating the excercise from before. Not yet.
"Why were you alone as a kid?", she asked
-
Trax replied as he moved towards his previous position to continue Keshani's instruction.
"Mother wasn't around, father was only that in the biological sense. But it wasn't until I was around twelve that I was actually on my own." Normally, Trax would have left it at that but he had a sense there'd be a specific follow up question so he figured he might as well answer it before she asked.
"Before then there was an elderly woman that lived in the same complex. She looked after me until she left."
-
She aimed at the target and took up her stance, as before. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, but couldn't stop from asking - "Were you scared?"
-
"Of what?" Trax raised a confused/questioning eye brow matching the tone of his voice.
-
"Of being alone and having to figure things out for yourself, to figure out how to get things for yourself. "
-
"I'd been...getting things for a long time already before that. That kind of thing was just a part of every day life and survival."
-
She drew her blaster and lined up her aim at the center of the target and closed her eyes, taking in a few deep breaths and relaxing her body. With her eyes still closed, she spoke.
"I never knew my parents. I grew up in an orphanage until I was five. That's when the orphanage was shut down and we were all put out on the street."
She opened her eyes, looking at the target and realigning her stance slightly to stay lined up with the center.
"It was better that time. I only had to move a little."
-
"On the street since you were five and you don't think you're strong? You give yourself far too little credit.
Okay, good. Now let's set up by a crate as if you were using it for cover. You'll start ducked behind it and then come up into a firing position before relaxing and adjusting. "
-
Her cheeks flushed slightly pink at the compliment but she just watched him for a minute, as if trying to decide if he were mocking her or not.
When he spoke again, giving her instructions to move over by the crates she nodded and started to head in that direction.
"I remember being scared, not understanding what was going on," she said softly. It was strange that she was telling Trax this. She had never told anyone any of this before. In a way it felt good to tell someone. It was just...strange. You get so used to keeping stuff inside; of pretending. It was easy to forget how not to pretend....
"All we knew was some guys came one morning and the next day we were all sent away. A bunch of us stayed together for a while. One of the older kids kinda watched out for us and taught us how to....get things...for ourselves."
She shrugged. "The police picked me up a lot, but I was just a kid and they didn't have anything to do with me, so they usually just let me go..."
"These crates okay?" she asked
-
"I'd expect most adults would be scared if they suddenly got kicked out of there home, I can only imagine what it might be like for a five year old. The world can be scary enough when you have a home to retreat to for safety."
Trax gave a nod indicating the crates Keshani chose would work fine.
"What did they do with you the times they didn't let you go?"
-
"Actually, some times they just let me stay for a while. I really didn't mind when they did that. It's funny that sometimes being locked up was the safest place. At least you got fed and it was warm.." she shrugged, ducked behind the crates and came up into a shooting stance.
It was harder to line up on a target this way and she had to make some definite adjustments before being satisfied with her stance and aim.
"And, well, the other time they didn't just let me go, well, I was on that hell hole prison planet, right?"
She shrugged again, feeling awkward.
"It's a lot harder to line up on a target while moving."
-
"Even harder when your target is moving or you're being shot at as well.
I never thought of being locked up as being safe. Guess it depends on who's doing the locking. The Imps fully controlled Deysum III, on the off chance you got locked up instead of just being outright shot, you were unlikely to be seen or heard from again. I wonder your hell hole is where some of them ended up."
-
(OOC: So knowledge question before I reply....Would Kesh recognize the world Deysum III?)
-
[Knowledge: Planetary Systems] Keshani is not familiar with Deysum III.
-
You never thought of taking your own life as a viable option to end pain, either, she thought to herself, but she didn't say it. She didn't think that would help the conversation along very well, knowing what she knew about how Trax perceived suicide.
"So you never got caught? Not once" she asked. She wasn't familiar with Deysum III. She didn't really know very much about places beyond Bakura. It sounded like an awful place, though....
-
"Oh sure I did. Just had to do what had to be done to keep from getting hauled off."
-
She watched him for a minute, but it was difficult to tell what she was thinking.
"It sounds like your childhood was worse than mine. How come you didn't end up like me?"
-
A genuine look of confusion could be seen on the hunter's face.
"What you mean? How do you think you ended up?"
-
She opened her mouth to respond but then closed it again,an expression a mix of confusion and frustration crossing her face.
She took the opportunity to do another round of the exercise, ducking down and coming to into a firing position with more success this time, before responding.
"You're just so.....together." she tried to explain with a shrug.
-
Trax thought about Keshani's description of him. Is that how he appeared? Made sense in a way. After so many years of disassociation and detachment from everything and everyone that would be a way to describe it. Most people called it being cold, or worse.
"When you live a certain way, see enough, do enough," Trax purposely left out what he'd seen and done enough of,
"Eventually not much rattles you anymore."
-
"Where is Deysem III?", she asked, changing the subject slightly
-
"Trax sector, close to the outer rim territories."
-
"Tra -- "
She stopped and took a step back, subconsciously putting some distance between herself and the bounty hunter.
"But then...."
Her expression took on a darkish edge and she seemed genuinely lost.
"Why..."
She closed her mouth for a minute and just stood staring.
She tried again.
"Who ARE you?"
-
The man was more than a little surprised by Kesh's reaction, though outwardly his surprise appeared fairly mild.
"Trax obviously isn't my real name. Not being overly creative I decided to use Trax as an alias when I left Deysum III. There's no other reason for it."
-
"Oh", she said softly. And although that was all she said, her tone and her body language carried a mix of hurt, confusion, and maybe a bit of new distrust.
She went back to working with the Blaster and didn't say anything else.
-
"If it helps any, the only other person that knows is Nim. And I didn't tell her, she put it together the second she learned where I came from. I'm actively trying to lie to anyone, it was just a part of me leaving that place behind."
-
She holstered her blaster and let out a long breath. She was still quiet for what felt like a long time, processing things in her brain.
"I guess I can understand that," she said slowly, kicking at something on the floor with her toe.
"It's just...." she stopped again, trying to figure out how to word what she wanted to say. Everything she thought of sounded childish in her mind.
Taking another slow breath she kicked at the floor some more.
"Names are powerful things. Knowing someone's name gives you access to other information about them."
"It's just hard to push away the question in my mind, I guess, that if your name isn't really your name, if anything else isn't real, too."
She shrugged. "I guess it's not any of my business, though. "
She looked around the cargo Bay. "I think I'm okay with behind the crates now. Do you want me to switch to something else?"
-
"The reality of things is something you'll have to sort out on your own and decide how much of an impact it has on you going forward. That's the pro, and con, of free will. You get to decide for yourself, but also means living with the good and bad that comes from those decisions."
Trax was silent for a moment, he hadn't paid as much attention to her stance as he should have, the conversation had distracted him a little too much.
"If you're happy with it, then we can move on. The next stances are corners and lying prone but let's switch it up a bit and work on targets with cover.
When your target is partially covered the tendency is to either focus on the cover itself, which will draw your aim, and shot, to the cover, or try to compensate by trying to hit the part of your target that's the furthest away from the cover.
The right thing to do is to first aim right where your target meets the cover and then shift your sights every so slightly away from the cover."
Trax pointed to the dummy that had it's torso sticking above a crate.
"For that guy there, you look at him and think you've got lots of body to hit so you aim high, well above the crate. Problem is, if he suddenly starts ducking just before you pull the trigger, you're more likely to miss.
This is going to involve quicker movements, I want you to draw, aim and fire, as quickly as possible."
-
"Now hold on there one minute", she jumped in, holding her hands out in front of her.
"Is it really so normal to you that people hide in this world of aliases instead of who they really are that you don't even pause? You can't even acknowledge that that might be a strange thing to someone?"
She snorted. "Pros and cons of free will".
"That feels like the most cop out answer I've ever heard"
"You promised me before that you would never lie to me, didn't you?"
-
"I didn't lie to you. Trax is the name I go by, it's the name everyone knows me by. Just because it's not the name I was born with doesn't make it any less my name.
For me, it's not about normality, it's about accepting other people's choices. If for instance, someone I've been contracted to find is using an alias, does it make it harder to find them, yes. But that person had their reasons, good or bad, and I accept that.
If you asked me right here, right now, to start referring to you as Demaria but still wanted everyone to call you Keshani I would. That doesn't invalidate everything we've said or done. In the end, it's just a name.
Does that line of thought come from everything I've been through, absolutely. Do I expect everyone else to accept that, of course not."
Trax paused, his stance and tone softened.
"Look Kesh, I'm not going to get into any kind of moral debate with you over this, or anything else.
If this is a problem, it is a problem that you have to figure out for yourself. I don't expect you to change for me, and I won't change who I am for you, or anyone for that matter. Yes, people in our lives influence us and we do change over time. But if you come to me tomorrow and tell me I have to do something different or think different so it suits how you do something or how you think, you're going to be in for a planet sized level of disappointment."
-
She was silent for what felt like a very long time, just standing there.
She was obviously deep in thought. It was even more obvious that she had actually listened to what "Trax" said.
It made sense, in a way. It had just been...a surprise.
Finally she just nodded.
"Okay.", she said simply, turning her attention back to the targets.
"Can you, um, tell me what you want me to do again?"
-
Trax wasn't entirely sure what to think about Keshani's period of silence but she'd obviously decided to accept what he'd said, or ignore it for now.
"Alright, we're going to let stances go for now. Cover, when your target is partially covered the tendency is to either focus on the actual cover, which draws your aim to it, or compensate by aiming for part of your target that's the furthest away.
What you want to do is start by aiming at the spot where your target meets the cover and then move your sight away from the cover just a little."
Trax once again indicated the dummy who's torso was exposed above the crate.
"Our volunteer there, his exposure makes you think you've got lots of body to hit so you aim high above the crate. But if he starts ducking just before you pull the trigger, you're likely to miss.
You'll actually be shooting this time, what I want you to do is draw, aim and then fire. Try to be fairly quick, in a fire fight, you won't have a lot of time to take careful aim."
-
She listened to his instruction and nodded. What he said made sense but she'd never really thought about it before.
She set up in a shooting stance and double checked that the blaster was still on stun before holstering it again and glancing at the target for a second, orienting herself to it.
Then she drew the blaster, but as soon as she drew it she could feel that her grip wasn't quite right. She aimed and fired anyway, trying to rush and move quickly, but her shot went super high, glancing off the cargo hold after flying by over the dummy's head.
Her face flushed red as she reholstered the weapon, but she didn't look at Trax.
Instead she focused on her breathing for a few moments, calming down and focusing. She mentally thought about her grip on the blaster and visualized it. She visualized the target and where she wanted to aim for.
Then, after one more slow breath she drew again.
This time her grip felt right and as she moved her arms up into a firing position she felt more confident. She found the spot where the dummy and the crate met, and as Trax had instructed moved just above that point.
Squeezing the trigger she watched the stun bolt fly toward the target but knew ahead of time that her aim was good. She had been a bit slower this time, but not super slow.
Re-holstering her blaster she let out a breath and finally turned to see what Trax would have to say.
-
"There you go." Trax said voicing his approval.
"I noticed you realized your grip was off and adjusted for the second shot. That's good to see.
Let's fire off a few more shots at various volunteers. I won't get you to holster and draw each time, but after every five or so shots I'll get you too. Those two that are barely sticking out will be really tough shots, but right now it's more about teaching your eye where to look than anything. The accuracy and skill to reliably make shots like that will take a long time to develop. What we'll do is I'll assign a number to each volunteer and when I call that number, that's your target. Simple enough I think."
Trax paused very briefly before calling out the first number...
One hour, and more than a few power packs later, he called a halt to the exercise.
[OOC: Figuring 1 shot every 10 - 15 seconds that'd be about 300 shots fired.]
-
Trax had kept her pretty busy over the past hour and her hand felt a little sore from shooting so many shots and her arms and shoulders from holding the blaster in a firing position for so long. It wasn't that she was weak - she could hold her own. But they were muscles that she didn't normally use so much and she felt like she could do with a break of sorts.
But at the same time, she was getting better and, she felt, at least, was getting a grasp on where to aim for when shooting a target behind cover as well as feeling more comfortable with the weapon in general.
She tried her best to not show that she felt tired (she had, to be fair, been the one complaining about just working on stance and not actually shooting before), but she felt just a bit wary wondering what he was planning on having her do next.
But she didn't say anything, just waited silently as he walked back over to her, waiting to hear what he wanted her to do...
-
Trax knew what he was putting Keshani through was grueling. He was well aware that even he would feel his muscles if he'd done what he'd just put the girl through, but he wanted to push her muscles to the limit, teach her muscles what to do so she didn't have to think about it.
"Practice makes painful." he said with a wry smile when she had finished and looked at him.
"But you're showing improvement already and that's good. You'll probably hurt like hell tomorrow if you don't take something for your muscles.
We should probably call it a day. Anything we do now is going to be harder and your positioning is going to be compromised due to muscle fatigue. Get some rest and we can pick it up again first thing tomorrow morning."
-
She thought about protesting that she wasn't tired, but she stopped. She WAS tired and he knew it. So she just nodded instead.
But then she hesitated.
"Can I ask you one more question?", she asked. At Trax's nod, she continued.
"You said before that you can learn a lot about a person from the questions they ask. What, uh, did my questions teach you about me?"
-
Trax's head tilted slightly to one side as he thought about whether or not the girl was ready to hear an answer to that question.
"I'm willing to answer that question, but are you sure you want an answer?"
-
She thought for a minute. If he was asking that question it would probably mean she wasn't going to like part, if not all, of his answer. But she couldn't do anything about something she didn't know....
Slowly she nodded. "I'm sure"
-
"Alright." Trax said with a nod.
"Let's sit." he said motioning toward the nearest suitable crate.
"Nothing I'm going to say is about judgement, it's all opinion, and it's only my opinion. And it very well may be wrong." Trax sat on the crate and waited for Keshani to sit as well.
"You're curious, you're impatient, you're scared, and you really want someone you can trust and count on. Problem is, you have a hard time trusting people because you've been burned in the past.
You're hard on yourself, harder than you should be, you're unsure of yourself, depending on the situation of course, but I would say in most situations that I've seen, and you have a tendency to look for validation and approval from others instead of accepting yourself as you are."
-
She followed Trax and sat next to him, angling her body so that she could still look at him, and waited for him to speak, wondering what, exactly he would say.
When he DID speak she was surprised that she really wasn't upset by anything he said and that she actually did agree with most of it.
"But what is the point in just accepting myself as I am? What good does that do anyone else?", she asked. "And how do you measure your own worth without measuring it against others?"
-
"That's just it," Trax began.
"Accepting yourself for who you are isn't about what it does for anyone else, it's what it does for you. And one of the things it will do is end the idea that you have to measure yourself against anyone else."
-
She was clearly struggling with processing that. It was almost like one of those holovid cartoons where the gears were struggling to turn inside someone's head and smoke started to billow out.
Finally she kind of half shrugged. It wasn't a shrug of dismissal or a sign that she was going to ignore what he said.
"I...need some time to think about that, I think, before I can really understand it." she finally said. Her tone was one of thought, but also confusion.
-
"Of course," Trax began.
"I wouldn't expect you to just say 'oh okay' and suddenly shift your entire perception.
Let's see about getting you something for your muscles. Going to need you in tip top shape for tomorrow."
Trax slid off the crate and looked around the cargo bay. Some of the covered targets had made the shots a little too difficult, but it was about training Kesh's eye more than hitting them. And some of them would need to be re-positioned to practice lining up on them from corners.
"Why don't you head to the medbay and I'll meet you there. I need a minute or two, I'm thinking about changing things up a bit in here."
-
She thought about protesting; saying she was fine and didn't need anything. She thought better of it. She knew she would be sore. And pretending she wasn't wasn't going to actually accomplish anything.
So she nodded instead.
"Okay." she said simply and headed out of the cargo hold toward the med bay.
She wasn't really aware of her surroundings as she walked, her energy being spent on thought instead.
The basis of what Trax had said was simple - don't worry about what other people think, just do what you think is right and what makes you satisfied with yourself. Know your own limits. Strive to build on skills and grow as a person, but don't do it for others, do it because it's what you want as a person.
Simple, right?
But it was a HUGE paradigm shift in actuality. It was the difference between purely extrinsic motivation and intrinsic motivation - of being motivated by external rewards vs internal.
And it meant that she needed to know what she wanted to be as a person, and she wasn't so sure she actually knew that.
She let out a sigh as she walked.
Why were things so difficult? How did someone just decide who they wanted to be? Wasn't who you were something that was kinda forced on you due to circumstances? She had no idea how to do otherwise.
By this time she had made it to the medbay and walked inside, starting to poke around on her own looking for some sort of anti-inflammatory thing.
A feeling of frustration began to well up inside of her. She didn't understand how she was supposed to decide what she wanted to be, who she wanted to be. It was too much.
She pushed it aside. She would think about it later. It hurt too much to think about right now....
-
When Keshani left Trax looked around the room. He brought most of the dummies that were barely visible further out. He also shifted a crate so Kesh could practice firing around a left or right corner by almost just shifting back and forth and have a target from each h side. Now that would make for a good exercise.
When he was done he headed for the door, but stopped just before opening it.
That's just stupid he thought to himself. With a sigh he turned and looked at he empty cargo bay.
"I want to say thank you," he began speaking.
"If it hadn't of been for you we never would have made it out of there. Nim wouldn't have made it out of there." Trax stopped and shook his head.
You're being an idiot. he berated himself before turning and leaving for the medbay.
-
He doesn't hear anything, but something make Trax turn around.
He sees Maris, squatting on a larger crate in the corner.
He face looks troubled. Her eyes are looking away, as if she were interested in something across the cargo bay.
"You need to understand something..."
She turns to look at Trax, meeting his eyes. She can only hold it for a moment, and lowers her eyes to the floor between the two of you.
"I wasn't trying to help anyone but myself. You and your people were a ticket off that station. I was acting out of fear and self-preservation. Helping you people was incidental."
She looks disgusted, but it is turned inward.
-
Trax came into the medbay after a few minutes.
"Alright, let's see what we can do to keep those muscles from getting too sore tomorrow."
-
As he walked in she was going through a cabinet. She held up a combination analgeisic/anti-inflammatory agent she had found and shrugged.
"Figure this should work, right?"
-
Trax had more than his fair share of experience dealing with injuries and severe wounds, it took only a glance to know what Keshani had in her hand would work.
"That'll do the trick nicely." he said as he walked over.
"Had to deal with injuries and the like before?"
-
She shrugged in reply, her mind flashing back to some of the various times she'd been injured in the past, and to the very specific time when she had vowed that she would never let a man hurt her like that again....
Her body involuntarily tensed up in reaction, although she did a pretty good job of forcing her muscles to relax once she realized.
"Handy to know some stuff about first aid..." she finally answered, dancing around the question asked.
-
"It is." Trax replied letting the girl dodge the question.
He noticed her tense up for a few seconds while loaded the pain killer mix into a hypospray. Once she relaxed he administered it into Kesh's upper arm.
-
"Why are you going after a crime boss?", she asked, totally changing the topic
-
"Subtle." Trax commented on Keshani's change of subject.
"But if you really want to know, I'm going to kill him."
-
She didn't seem very phased by that answer. Instead she hopped up on one of the exam tables that was nearby.
"Why?"
Her panties leg came up a bit as she jumped up to sit on the table (being short and all) and a rather large scar was visible on the exposed part of her leg. It was old - too old to be anything from their most recent activities.
She didn't seem to notice as she sat waiting for Trax's response.
-
Trax saw the scar on Kesh's leg but made no indication that he'd seen it, instead he answered the girl's question.
"Settling a debt."
-
"What'd he do to you? ", she asked
-
"It's not my debt that's being settled."
-
"Then whose? "
-
Trax was silent as his face went dead serious, or was it deadly serious. It was the closest thing to an emotional reaction Kesh had seen from the man.
"Two people that can't settle it themselves."
-
The girl winced inwardly at his response and his seriousness. She assumed from what he said that this crime boss had killed the two people he was referring to, and that he had cared about them a lot.
"Does this guy know that you're coming after him?" she asked.
She didn't know how to respond to his change in demeanor. But her voice had a bit of a softer edge to it as she spoke this time.
-
"I don't know, it's been a long time. But I have to plan and act like he is."
-
She nodded, thinking about that for a minute.
"Then you'll need to get into places without him knowing you were there..."
-
"Possibly." Trax replied, as his voice took on a questioning tone wondering where the girl was headed with that comment.
-
She hesitated before continuing. She was enjoying her time with Trax. She was enjoying being treated like...a person, and not a kid. She liked that he actually answered her questions and didn't just brush her off. She liked that he was honest.
She didn't want to change that or make him not want to be around her anymore.
But...
She took a slow breath.
"Look," she said, hopping up off of the table and looking directly at him before continuing,
"I promise that if you say no here and now I won't mention it again and I'll let it drop.
But please, just think about this. Humor me. Please."
She took another slow breath before rushing on.
"I have skills that you need, that can maybe, just maybe, help you to not manage to frak up what you are trying to do and get both you and anyone else killed.
"You are like a one man army. I get that. I get that you don't want anyone else to be at risk, to be involved.
But shooting won't always get you everything.
Sometimes you need to be sneaky and go a back way around.
Nim is good with programming, but I'm better at security.
Plus I'm a kid. No one ever suspects kids. We can get in places others can't just on principle.
I can disguise myself. No one knows anything about me outside of Bakura. I have no family or friends to get into trouble...
Please. Let me help you."
-
"Kesh," Trax began.
"I told you before, it's not that I wouldn't appreciate the help, but I can't risk you getting caught. I need Nim's help mostly for her network. She's got people everywhere and has access to all sorts of information. Mine will be the only feet actually on the ground. i won't risk your life, and I won't risk hers.
Hell, if I knew she could help me while sitting comfortably on Alderaan that's where she'd be staying."
-
She looked down at the floor for a minute but then looked back up at Trax.
"Do you promise you will let me help as much as I can from here?"
-
"As long as by 'here' you mean on a planet or station in a different sector, and not on what ever ship or shuttle I'm moving around on, then yes."
-
A sheepish grin tugged at the cornersquad of her mouth. It was a grin that, without words said 'you got me', or something along those lines. But there was no sadness, no ahurt evident in her expression at all. It seemed, possibly, that the girl may have finally accepted that he was saying "no" because he wanted to keep her safe and not because he just didn't want her along.
"Okay." She said. "But you better make sure you make it back ok."
-
"That's the plan." Trax replied. The man wasn't going to instill any false hope, he knew taking Pluvoo down wasn't going to be an easy task. But he had to try.
-
She nodded. She caught the fact that he made no promises, no guarantees. She knew what he was planning to do, he also considered to be dangerous. She also, by now, realized there was nothing she could do about it.
Chewing her lip for a second she looked up at him.
"Tomorrow can I try your pistols a few times? Just to see the differences between them?"
-
"Sure you can." Trax said pulling out one of the pistols from the holster now.
"It's a heck of a lot heavier of course, but as long as we're shooting on stun that'll be the only difference you feel.
You're still welcome to fire off a few rounds with it tomorrow."
-
She took the pistol from Trax and held it. It WAS heavier. It felt more...sturdy. But that may have just been her imagination.
She looked at the pair of holsters that he wore, and, not for the first time, her eyes were attracted to the glove he wore on his one hand.
"Why do you wear that?" she asked, her eyes clearly indicating what "that" she meant.
-
"Ugly wound." he said without even looking at his hand.
-
She noticed that he didn't even look at it as he answered. But she was still curious. "What happened?" She asked. She knew whatever it had been happened before the Station. What kind of wound took that long to heal?
-
"A Jedi happened."
-
"Is that why you hate them? "
-
"Heh," Trax couldn't help but let out a small chuckle.
"Definitely didn't make me like them any more.
Every Jedi I've come across has either threatened me, tried to kill me, or both. That doesn't exactly make them my favorite people."
-
"....and by inference, this one tried to kill you? "
-
"Definitely wasn't trying to buy me a drink."
-
She shrugged a bit as she sat on the examination bed, swinging her feet against the leg.
"I didn't know that Jedi were real before...you know.
"I'd always heard stories..how they could invade your mind and alter your thoughts and stuff...evil things. But until I saw him...." she shrugged again.
"Is it gonna heal? Or is it some kinda curse thing?"
-
"Can't confirm or deny if they can mess with your head, if one has done it to me I'm not aware. But they can do other terrible things I have seen.
As for my arm, it's certainly not cursed, but it'll never heal. It's lying on a mountain top back on Corellia."
-
She just say there watching him for a minute, trying to decide what to say. It was....tough. But she is the one who had pushed.....
Involuntarily she flexed her own two uninjured hands without even realizing she was doing it.
"I'm sorry." She said finally.
"Sounds like Corellia was rough."
-
"That it was." He replied quietly.
-
She kicked the leg of the table for several moments quietly. She didn't know what to say next. It seemed like one of those deepish moments that didn't want to be disturbed.
"I guess I should let you get back to Nim now, " she said finally. She paused. "I, um, just wanted to say...." she couldn't think of an adequate word or words to portray how much she appreciated Trax helping her and talking with her. So she just finished with "...thanks", hoping that maybe he would understand anyway.
-
Trax wasn't entirely sure what she was thanking him for, her tone and pause indicated it was more than for just some shooting lessons. His best guess was just spending time to talk, and listen. Sounded like it was a rare thing to her.
"You're welcome." He replied with a warm smile.
The man extended his hand looking for the return of his pistol.
"Same time tomorrow."
-
She looked genuinely confused and caught off guard as he extended his hand. She thought it weird that he would want to shake her hand.....but she supposed she was game if that's what he wanted to do....
But then she remembered that she was still holding onto his pistol.
She let out a short giggle. "Oops."
She handed the pistol back to him.
"Same time tomorrow.", she replied.
She watched him go, still sitting on the bed kicking her feet for several minutes.
Maybe it was okay to actually not be afraid of people. Maybe not everyone was out to hurt her in the end....
A smile formed on her lips as a tentative idea surfaced in her mind. Maybe it was true, the saying that every cloud had a silver lining. She was certainly less miserable now than she had been on either Bakura or in the tender care of the Empire.
She thought back to the Station, to the moment when she had held the pistol to her chin, fully intending to take her own life, not able to bare any more of the pain that she had been forced to live through.
Maybe there IS a such thing as the Force. Maybe there IS a such thing as some higher power watching over us all....