Target Practice?

[Keshani]

She eyed him for a second, noticing that he had repeated ALMOST exactly what she had asked but dropping the 'or anything' part, but then decided to drop it. That caused a kind of secondary pause within her as she realized for some reason she actually trusted Trax.

She couldn't remember the last time she had trusted ANYONE in her life. Really trusted. No matter what he had planned, barring pirates invading their ship while they were in this cargo hold, the ship blowing up, or some other kind of crazy thing, she would be safe. Trax would not do anything to, or let anyone, intentionally hurt her.. She felt okay with closing her eyes in a room filled with hidden spots and another Being with a (presumably) loaded weapon.

"Frell...", she muttered to herself, deep in thought for a minute. But the tone was not one of frustration, anger, or anything else that most of the time was used when a superlative was uttered. Instead it was more of realization and a bit of wonder - kinda like a "gee whiz" or something....

Then, realizing Trax was waiting for her, she shook her head to clear it and set to following the directions he had set out before.

She again assumed her previous stance, with her left foot in front, her dominant right leg behind, acting as a brace, foot slightly angled to the side, and drew her blaster, lining up on the head of the dummy and closed her eyes. It was harder to relax her body with her arms extending forward supporting the weight of the weapon, but she tried her best. Breathing in deeply she tried to imagine the oxygen and blood flowing through her body to every cell as it reached it, feeding the muscles and relaxing them as it went.

Once she felt at least mildly successful she opened her eyes and saw that the muzzle of her blaster was not pointing at the head of the dummy anymore, but slightly down at his neck instead.

Doing as he had instructed she moved her right foot back a bit more, widening her stance, and turned her body slightly to the center to realign her aim with the head of the target.

Once she was lined up she closed her eyes again. The hardest part was fighting the urge to look back at Trax before she did so. It was hard knowing someone was watching you but not knowing what he/she was doing, but she knew that by turning her head/body to look at him she would be messing up what he wanted her to do. Again. That trust thing.

Slowly breathing in a few times and working to relax her body she opened her eyes again. Her aim had still drifted a little bit, but not as much as last time, so she adjusted her stance a bit more, changing the balance she was putting on each leg, and tried again, this time when she opened her eyes her aim was still just where she had left it - homing in on the dummy's head.

Holstering her pistol she finally did, now, turn to look at that man that she assumed was still standing behind her....

[Trax]

"Only very slight adjustments." Trax said with an approving nod.

"Now the fun, rinse and repeat.  Try to remember that last position, take your bead on the target and go through it again.

Do four or five runs and then we'll move on to the next one." The man paused.

"I'm sure this isn't what you were expecting this morning.  You probably figured we'd be through half a power pack right now.  And we'll take a few shots later on.  Thing is, on stun the lack of recoil isn't going to make for a real world test anyway.  Unless you decide you'd prefer to keep your weapon on stun all the time.  Which might actually be a pretty good idea."

[Keshani]

Again, a shadow appeared on her face. SOMETHING was...conflicted...inside of that head of hers.

She opened her mouth to speak -

I've never fired a pistol not on stun
I tried to kill a man one time
There's nothing wrong with stun

But she closed it again. The sounds and sights of the battle on the station came back to her, as did the stench of the dead bodies from down in the labor camp. The face of the man who had, what felt like so long ago but so recently at the same time, abused her and she had subsequently chosen to seek justice....

So many things, all of the sudden assaulted her senses all at the same time. She closed her eyes for a second, fighting against it all, struggling to maintain her composure. Her hands trembled for a few seconds until she could calm herself down again.

"Does it get easier?" she asked

[Trax]

Trax crossed his arms and he stared at the girl.  Her question was simple enough, but it was a question someone so young should never have to ask.

"Depends on what kind of person you are."

[Keshani]

"Does not wanting to kill someone mean that you're weak?"

[Trax]

"Not at all.  Some would say it takes a stronger person not to kill."

[Keshani]

"Even if it's by mistake?"

[Trax]

Trax raised an eyebrow at that, to him at least, very odd question.

"You want to tell me what happened?"

[Keshani]

She chewed her lip for a minute but then, making sure her blaster was securely holstered she moved toward a pile of crates sitting in an abandoned corner of the hold and sat down, assuming Trax would follow.

She sat there, playing with some loose strand of material on the side of the crate for a few minutes longer before she finally spoke.

When she spoke her voice was soft, hesitant.

"I...decided I wanted justice for what....somebody.... did to me. So I tracked down where he lived and went there and waited for him to come home."

As she spoke her words became more rushed, less hesitant, as if this had been a weight she had been carrying for a very long time that she was now in a rush to release.

"I had planned to wait until he saw me and then shoot him. I wanted him to....suffer; to feel the fear and pain he had caused me."

There was a small, but noticeable tremor in her voice now as she went on. It was clear that this was still a rather...tender...emotional nerve..., one that perhaps had never properly healed.

"I shot him, watching the look of fear and surprise in his face and I totally thought he was dead."

She looked down at the floor then, feeling the sudden need to take a few slow breaths and to swallow back down the gorge that was trying to come up from her stomach.

After a few moments she looked up at Trax. Her expression was one of pleading, of pain, of....need.

"Trax, I watched his body fall to the ground and I thought I had killed him and I felt like I was going to throw up. It was like I was frozen and didn't know what to do. I just could stare at him and my body was shaking so bad..."

"But then he twitched a little bit and I realized that the blaster must have been set on stun instead of kill by accident."

"So the only reason he was alive was because of a mistake. What does that make me?"

[Trax]

Trax moved and took a seat beside Keshani as she told her story.

The guilt she felt from her actions was immense, and it made him think about the first time he killed someone.  Funny thing, or maybe sad thing, was he couldn't remember.  It would have been so long ago and there had been so many since.  There was only one that was burned into his memory so vividly he would never forget.

"A blaster doesn't switch to stun on its own, if you really wanted him dead that badly, you would have made sure it wasn't on stun.  Maybe despite you wanting justice by that man's death so badly, deep down you knew you couldn't take his life.  I don't think he's alive because of a mistake, he's alive because despite the anger and rage you felt, you knew killing him wouldn't give you the justice you needed.

So to answer your question, what does that make you...it makes you stronger than you give yourself credit for and a good person."

[Keshani]

She played with the corner of the crate again.

"It would have helped a lot of other people though."  If he looked closely, he would see the girl's eyes were shining with the beginnings of tears she was fighting fiercely to make go away.

"Shouldn't it be okay to take a life if it means others will be safe?"

[Trax]

Trax could see the girl's eyes were brimming with tears.

"I sure think so.  But I'm also sure others would disagree.

Still, that doesn't mean you should be the one to take that life.  That's why the galaxy has people like me.  Not all hunters are total asshats, we're actually a pretty exclusive club.  Got a secret handshake and everything." Trax quipped trying to cheer the girl up at least a little.

"Most hunters get into the work to help people.  They go after and deal with those that do wrong but the law can't, or won't touch.  Doing the dirty work so good people like you don't have to, a clean up the scum of the galaxy kind of thing.  But most people think all hunters are just as bad as they go after.  And that's because the asshat club tends to make the most noise.  Guess we're a rowdier bunch or something."

[Keshani]

"And you group yourself in with the 'just as bad as they go after' group? " She asked

[Trax]

"It'd be awfully hypocritical of me after some of the stuff I've done not to."

[Keshani]

She sniffed a bit. "Do I want to know? "