Target Practice?

[Keshani]

She listened to his instruction and nodded. What he said made sense but she'd never really thought about it before.

She set up in a shooting stance and double checked that the blaster was still on stun before holstering it again and glancing at the target for a second, orienting herself to it.

Then she drew the blaster, but as soon as she drew it she could feel that her grip wasn't quite right. She aimed and fired anyway, trying to rush and move quickly, but her shot went super high, glancing off the cargo hold after flying by over the dummy's head.

Her face flushed red as she reholstered the weapon, but she didn't look at Trax.

Instead she focused on her breathing for a few moments, calming down and focusing. She mentally thought about her grip on the blaster and visualized it. She visualized the target and where she wanted to aim for.

Then, after one more slow breath she drew again.

This time her grip felt right and as she moved her arms up into a firing position she felt more confident. She found the spot where the dummy and the crate met, and as Trax had instructed moved just above that point.

Squeezing the trigger she watched the stun bolt fly toward the target but knew ahead of time that her aim was good. She had been a bit slower this time, but not super slow.

Re-holstering her blaster she let out a breath and finally turned to see what Trax would have to say.

[Trax]

"There you go." Trax said voicing his approval.

"I noticed you realized your grip was off and adjusted for the second shot.  That's good to see.

Let's fire off a few more shots at various volunteers.  I won't get you to holster and draw each time, but after every five or so shots I'll get you too.  Those two that are barely sticking out will be really tough shots, but right now it's more about teaching your eye where to look than anything.  The accuracy and skill to reliably make shots like that will take a long time to develop.  What we'll do is I'll assign a number to each volunteer and when I call that number, that's your target.  Simple enough I think."

Trax paused very briefly before calling out the first number...

One hour, and more than a few power packs later, he called a halt to the exercise.

[OOC: Figuring 1 shot every 10 - 15 seconds that'd be about 300 shots fired.]

[Keshani]

Trax had kept her pretty busy over the past hour and her hand felt a little sore from shooting so many shots and her arms and shoulders from holding the blaster in a firing position for so long. It wasn't that she was weak - she could hold her own. But they were muscles that she didn't normally use so much and she felt like she could do with a break of sorts.

But at the same time, she was getting better and, she felt, at least, was getting a grasp on where to aim for when shooting a target behind cover as well as feeling more comfortable with the weapon in general.

She tried her best to not show that she felt tired (she had, to be fair, been the one complaining about just working on stance and not actually shooting before), but she felt just a bit wary wondering what he was planning on having her do next.

But she didn't say anything, just waited silently as he walked back over to her, waiting to hear what he wanted her to do...

[Trax]

Trax knew what he was putting Keshani through was grueling.  He was well aware that even he would feel his muscles if he'd done what he'd just put the girl through, but he wanted to push her muscles to the limit, teach her muscles what to do so she didn't have to think about it.

"Practice makes painful." he said with a wry smile when she had finished and looked at him.

"But you're showing improvement already and that's good.  You'll probably hurt like hell tomorrow if you don't take something for your muscles.

We should probably call it a day.  Anything we do now is going to be harder and your positioning is going to be compromised due to muscle fatigue.  Get some rest and we can pick it up again first thing tomorrow morning."

[Keshani]

She thought about protesting that she wasn't tired, but she stopped. She WAS tired and he knew it. So she just nodded instead.

But then she hesitated.

"Can I ask you one more question?", she asked. At Trax's nod, she continued.

"You said before that you can learn a lot about a person from the questions they ask. What, uh, did my questions teach you about me?"

[Trax]

Trax's head tilted slightly to one side as he thought about whether or not the girl was ready to hear an answer to that question.

"I'm willing to answer that question, but are you sure you want an answer?"

[Keshani]

She thought for a minute. If he was asking that question it would probably mean she wasn't going to like part, if not all, of his answer. But she couldn't do anything about something she didn't know....

Slowly she nodded. "I'm sure"

[Trax]

"Alright." Trax said with a nod.

"Let's sit." he said motioning toward the nearest suitable crate.

"Nothing I'm going to say is about judgement, it's all opinion, and it's only my opinion.  And it very well may be wrong." Trax sat on the crate and waited for Keshani to sit as well.

"You're curious, you're impatient, you're scared, and you really want someone you can trust and count on.  Problem is, you have a hard time trusting people because you've been burned in the past.

You're hard on yourself, harder than you should be, you're unsure of yourself, depending on the situation of course, but I would say in most situations that I've seen, and you have a tendency to look for validation and approval from others instead of accepting yourself as you are."

[Keshani]

She followed Trax and sat next to him, angling her body so that she could still look at him, and waited for him to speak, wondering what, exactly he would say.

When he DID speak she was surprised that she really wasn't upset by anything he said and that she actually did agree with most of it.

"But what is the point in just accepting myself as I am? What good does that do anyone else?", she asked. "And how do you measure your own worth without measuring it against others?"

[Trax]

"That's just it," Trax began.

"Accepting yourself for who you are isn't about what it does for anyone else, it's what it does for you.  And one of the things it will do is end the idea that you have to measure yourself against anyone else."

[Keshani]

She was clearly struggling with processing that. It was almost like one of those holovid cartoons where the gears were struggling to turn inside someone's head and smoke started to billow out.

Finally she kind of half shrugged. It wasn't a shrug of dismissal or a sign that she was going to ignore what he said.

"I...need some time to think about that, I think, before I can really understand it." she finally said. Her tone was one of thought, but also confusion.

[Trax]

"Of course," Trax began.

"I wouldn't expect you to just say 'oh okay' and suddenly shift your entire perception.

Let's see about getting you something for your muscles.  Going to need you in tip top shape for tomorrow."

Trax slid off the crate and looked around the cargo bay.  Some of the covered targets had made the shots a little too difficult, but it was about training Kesh's eye more than hitting them.  And some of them would need to be re-positioned to practice lining up on them from corners.

"Why don't you head to the medbay and I'll meet you there.  I need a minute or two, I'm thinking about changing things up a bit in here."

[Keshani]

She thought about protesting; saying she was fine and didn't need anything. She thought better of it. She knew she would be sore. And pretending she wasn't wasn't going to actually accomplish anything.

So she nodded instead.

"Okay." she said simply and headed out of the cargo hold toward the med bay.

She wasn't really aware of her surroundings as she walked, her energy being spent on thought instead.

The basis of what Trax had said was simple - don't worry about what other people think, just do what you think is right and what makes you satisfied with yourself. Know your own limits. Strive to build on skills and grow as a person, but don't do it for others, do it because it's what you want as a person.

Simple, right?

But it was a HUGE paradigm shift in actuality. It was the difference between purely extrinsic motivation and intrinsic motivation - of being motivated by external rewards vs internal.

And it meant that she needed to know what she wanted to be as a person, and she wasn't so sure she actually knew that.

She let out a sigh as she walked.

Why were things so difficult? How did someone just decide who they wanted to be? Wasn't who you were something that was kinda forced on you due to circumstances? She had no idea how to do otherwise.

By this time she had made it to the medbay and walked inside, starting to poke around on her own looking for some sort of anti-inflammatory thing.

A feeling of frustration began to well up inside of her. She didn't understand how she was supposed to decide what she wanted to be, who she wanted to be. It was too much.

She pushed it aside. She would think about it later. It hurt too much to think about right now....

[Trax]

When Keshani left Trax looked around the room. He brought most of the dummies that were barely visible further out. He also shifted a crate so Kesh could practice firing around a left or right corner by almost just shifting back and forth and have a target from each h side. Now that would make for a good exercise.

When he was done he headed for the door, but stopped just before opening it.

That's just stupid he thought to himself.  With a sigh he turned and looked at he empty cargo bay.

"I want to say thank you," he began speaking.

"If it hadn't of been for you we never would have made it out of there. Nim wouldn't have made it out of there."  Trax stopped and shook his head.

You're being an idiot. he berated himself before turning and leaving for the medbay.

[GM Craig]

He doesn't hear anything, but something make Trax turn around.

He sees Maris, squatting on a larger crate in the corner.

He face looks troubled. Her eyes are looking away, as if she were interested in something across the cargo bay.

"You need to understand something..."

She turns to look at Trax, meeting his eyes. She can only hold it for a moment, and lowers her eyes to the floor between the two of you.

"I wasn't trying to help anyone but myself. You and your people were a ticket off that station. I was acting out of fear and self-preservation. Helping you people was incidental."

She looks disgusted, but it is turned inward.